don't worry, it's only passive

The thing about being passively suicidal is that there are no red flags. There are no ambulance sirens, or 911 calls, or the locking medication cabinets. The thing about being passively suicidal is that there are no inpatient visits, or late night followups, or the drinking of charcoal. 

But you know what there is? 

There is the standing a little too close to the yellow line on the subway. There is the "forgetting" to look both ways before crossing the street. There is the "I know I can get up today, but I'd prefer not to".
There is the...
"I have an excessive amount of medication on my nightstand... just in case."
There is the...
"Marriage? Why think that far into the future if I'm not even going to be alive by then?"
There is the...
 "No I don't need to go to the hospital, but no I do need to go to the hospital."
There is the...
"Of course life will continue on the same when I'm gone." 

Being passively suicidal is NOT being fragile like a flower. It's being fragile like a motherfucking time bomb.